I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
