I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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