He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
