Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
as a side note pls kill me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
