there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
