In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
