the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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