I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
