I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
