guys are not supposed to queef...right?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
