I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
