Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
