is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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