omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize