I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had sex on a roof
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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