Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
