my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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