I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
