too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
