I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
