If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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