i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there is glitter all over my balls
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