Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize