I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Enjoy the penises
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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