Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
