If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
