My pussy is not your playground.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
