Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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