You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Already got asked if we're dating
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
