Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
