I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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