you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
