how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
