Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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