mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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