Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
