I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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