Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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