I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
