I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
