just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Less talking, more tequila
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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