he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
