your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
