dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
