Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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