The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
