i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
