Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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