I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize