Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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