Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize