she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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