We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
