And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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