Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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