let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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