yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
