Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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