It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Randomize
