i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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