If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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