News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
