Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize