in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
MIDGETS
????
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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