I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
