i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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