GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
